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De naaktheid van Halina Reijn

Posted on November 10, 2015 at 1:24 PM

Vorige week ging ik met vriendinnen naar het toneelstuk Fountainhead naar het boek van Ayn Rand. Het gaat om twee architecten: de een is een gezellige aangepaste jongen die zich, om succesvol te kunnen zijn, in wat ongemakkelijke bochten wringt. De ander is een principieel type: geen enkele concessie aan het ontwerp of het gaat niet door. We gaan vloeiend mee met het verloop: de concessieloze blijkt geniale ontwerpen te maken die zelden uitgevoerd worden, de meeloper schopt het ver, maar gaat uiteindelijk ten onder.
 
Daartussendoor loopt Halina Reijn. Haar rol is toch vooral die van recalcitrant; ze verzet zich tegen vader, haar liefde voor de geniaal, zichzelf. Ik had mezelf schrap gezet voor de verkrachtingsscène die in het boek zit. Halina en de principiële architect hebben zo hun eerste seksueel contact. Halina is iemand die ik wel eens in een café zie flaneren, of al telefonerend door een trendy Amsterdams restaurant zie paraderen. Ze is beeldschoon, haar gedrag, voor wat ik ervan weet, is soms wat geëxalteerd. Ik vraag me altijd af of ze een beetje gelukkig is.
 
Nu staat ze voor me op het toneel. En kleedt zich uit. Echt. Ik voel me opeens een verschrikkelijke voyeur. Deze prachtige naakte vrouw in deze moeilijke rol die zich zo durft te tonen. Hoe werkt dat? Ze is naakt, maar eigenlijk volkomen gehuld in haar rol. Je mag haar naaktheid zien, maar alleen door de sluiers van haar rol. Ze slaat zich met verve door deze moeilijke passage en ik ontspan uit mijn burgerlijkheid. Pas tijdens het eindapplaus zie ik haar schalkse lachje naar het publiek en ervaar ik weer dat hele dubbele gevoel.
 
Want die gelaagdheid maak ik als coach ook mee: het is een rol die mensen in hun werk aannemen, maar het kan binnen die rol wel heel heftig zijn en de impliciete vraag is: ‘hoe vind je mijn prestatie in die rol?’ De behoefte aan applaus kan bijzonder groot zijn. Dat verhult soms de behoefte om gezien te worden zoals je werkelijk bent, met alle mooie en lelijke dingen die daarbij horen. Gevangen in een rol, daar kan geen naaktheid je helpen om je bloot te geven. Het verschil tussen theater en het leven is soms flinterdun.
 

Gefeliciteerd Halina, 40 vandaag!

Categories: coaching, Halina Reijn, integriteit, kunst, rol, toneel, Toneelgroep Amsterdam, veiligheid, vertrouwen

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